Mom guilt strikes at the most inopportune time – literally every moment of every day when you feel forced to choose between your budding new business and your children. Here is the truth, Mom Guilt NEVER goes away, but learning how to release it is achievable. The truth is, when you are able to release it, you can really drive towards your dream of building a 7-figure business.
Understanding Mom Guilt
Anyone who has been following along knows we have nine kids between us. Victoria is in the thick of it with her kids ranging from five to 13, while Beth’s are grown and living out the college dream or recently graduated blissfully living the city life in Boston. So, Mom Guilt is practically part of our DNA at this point.
When Victoria told her Mom that she was going back to work after having her oldest, Ali, her Mom said, “What do you mean you are going back to work? Who is going to raise Ali?” Okay, the reality is it wasn’t that harsh of a comment, but that is what Victoria heard, which started her down a bad path where she was burning the candle at both ends – for both her family and her business. At times that guilt was almost paralyzing…she always talks about this work trip when Ali was a one-year-old, and Victoria balled in the taxi all the way to the airport because she was certain Ali would forget her. Fast forward to today, that couldn’t be further from the truth – in fact she has a pretty amazing relationship with her (and V’s Mom – she is all in on the mompreneur).
The reality is the guilt is mostly our doing by placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves to be everything to everyone at work and at home. Beth has always been Victoria’s spirit animal – she is living and breathing proof that you can be a badass mompreneur AND raise four amazing, brilliant kids who will drop anything to make sure they can be Beth’s Hype Girls (and Guy) all day and every day. And Victoria is continuing to learn that…Every! Single! Day! …with her own Hype Girls (and Guy).
As we build business number three, neither of us are mom guilt free, but we do have a much more balanced mindset about the pressures we will face at the office and at home. We have tried and tested tricks that help us manage through the chaos, and when those don’t work, we are the first to give each other the slap across the face to get us out of it…figuratively speaking, of course, wink wink.
Managing Mom Guilt
So, how do you kick mom guilt to the curb? Here are our top three hacks for when it feels like it’s got you in a chokehold.
1. The Art of Compartmentalization
Be all in or all out—100% boss, 100% parent. No blurry lines, no guilt. We know this is easier said than done, but the truth is, being able to compartmentalize – even sometimes – helps you feel more accomplished, productive and “in the moment”. For example, this week is a tough week for Victoria – lots of writing deadlines and also lots of family stuff that needs attention. To help manage, she spent 30 minutes Sunday blocking her calendar for Female Mavericks and kid stuff so she knew what she was going to do when to add some focus.
2. Celebrating Small Wins
Embrace “average”—because overachieving is overrated. If your kids are happy and healthy that deserves a gold medal – even if they got that B on a math test or they didn’t get invited to the sleepover the other kids will be talking about for weeks. Same with that critical client deliverable that needs to be out this week. Is it the absolute best document you have ever put together, maybe not, but does it get the job done – abso-f’ing-lutely.
3. Embracing Imperfection
Riding the business waves? Sometimes, coasting beats crashing. Long term growth goals are just that, long term. There are going to be peaks and valleys in any business. So, if it’s one of those valleys, take a moment to breathe, think about what you have accomplished, and go to bed. With a set of fresh eyes and hopefully an awesome work wife or bestie’s affirming text to wake up to, you will recalibrate.
Above all, give yourself a break. You can’t live up to that “Super Mom” label unless you’re aiming for a meltdown in your bedroom closet, curled up on the floor, hiding from life (trust us, we’ve been there). Instead of obsessing over what you didn’t do or what went wrong, shift your focus to the wins—the one big thing you nailed, the awesome thing your colleague pulled off, or the mini triumph your kid achieved (with a little nudge from you, of course).
Despite all the heartache we’ve felt juggling business-building and family-growing, we wouldn’t trade it for anything. Our kids have witnessed strong women creating financial freedom while chasing their passions—and that’s one heck of a Valentine’s Day lesson, if you ask us.
